New Sad Psychic Here

[earthgrandtrine]

Hello,

I have been a solitary Wiccan practicioner for most of my life. I have technically two earth grand trines, most of which in psychic houses. My chiron is in the third house screaming at the fourth house axis. I've never been able to assert myself because I feel like I can't make friends at all or when I do I somehow am just there to solve their problems.

I really wish to resolve my karma.

I was baptized a Catholic when I was born and later confirmed as an early adolescent.

When I was young I remember my mother reading a Wiccan book; one of my first memories. I can't remember the title as I was at that age too young to read. The cover was beautiful. A powerful woman in sea foam green robes, sitting on a throne and drinking from a chalice. Her demeanor was that of magick and content. Something so beautiful. I remember my mother's sadness as she read it. I remember many questions from my youth of my mother's sadness as a woman. She was a housewife and thought that feminism tried to make women into men and that they lost their spirit. She always explained it to me in a manner I could understand for the age that I was.

I always wanted to become older so quickly, as I have an 8th house Capricorn stellium (moon, saturn, neptune rx, uranus rx, and the part of fortune).

The guidance counselor in high school mocked my desire to also become a housewife telling me to study art at college although I was old enough to not really wish to comply. I am always so worried. I was deeply rebellious as an adolescent in an attempt to understand older people and why they were so sad. I spent long hours on message boards with "young" (at the time) women who spent long hours trying to find meaning in their suffering. I see their suffering as well as my mothers'. I feel deep regret because my mother told me to keep silent regarding my solitary practice as a young child and every time I thought I had found a friend I tried to reveal to them the secret to their feminine power which seem to scare them and caused me many social problems.

For some reason I couldn't stop trying to start a coven because I felt lonely. I wanted to start early. I can't seem to resolve any of my social problems no matter what I do. I feel like I can't and don't really want to resolve such problems because I know that's not what God really wants from me.

For some reason it seems to me as if God likes people as "dysfunctional" yet I can't stop dying inside at the sight or sound of their suffering. God wants people to be themselves despite their suffering (I found Buddhism in neuroscience study while I was struggling). I struggled as a child to find my social footing which always seemed grounded in angst and depression because of that which I have never fully been able to solve. I found moments of solace through having jobs, yet I was always so good at them I always found myself feeling felt exploited and bitter. Social turmoil speaks loudly to me of suffering. and I am the world's worst perfectionist as I never truly learned how to let go and be an imperfect worker so that everyone would be happy.

It saddens me to no end how much I deeply desire consistency in all things and refuse to let go into the chaos which is reality and I see no way of finding my footing as a servant of God (Virgo sun and mercury Rx placement). I am currently diagnosed as a schizophrenic (Pluto has been rocking and a rolling my eighth house for years and still more to come) which happened after I spent many weeks at counseling (strangely enough I thought this would be perfect training for my skillset..to allow someone else to take the reigns of my "problems," which at the time I thought was my upbringing because my mother was a little "anal retentive" and would lose her mind every time I tried to make friends or rebel at all...clearly I shouldn't have rebelled).

My mother is so loving she permitted me to glance at your books. For some reason I have never been able to fully make peace with declaring myself to anything but God itself (I have a seventh house lilith placement in sagittarius....for some reason I will not sign contracts willingly and rebel at the first sign of turmoil) and I am absolutely at a loss with how to channel myself.

I appear to others to be psychic to others despite the fact it seems so grounded in reality to me. I am deeply afraid of one day getting my ass kicked and I don't know what to do but write.

I have no clue how to write something that seems so conflicting. In studying the philosophy of religion I have defined myself as "atheistic"....not in terms of not believing in God but in refusing to give it a name.

I am afraid my argumentative nature will be the end of me and I will never find solace or joy in the living part of living and dying.

Please..

Anyway...nice to meet you all. Here is my story.

[catherineyronwode]

Hello, earthgrandtrine --

Welcome to the Lucky Mojo forum! We're happy to have you here.

Thank you for telling us about yourself. I hope that some day the words "Sad Psychic" will be a thing of the past, as you become a confident and results-oriented psychic.

The specific issues of religion, feminism, sadness, Wicca, atheism, Catholicism, karma, and the development of psychic abilities that you broached are tangential to the topics we discuss here -- namely, African American hoodoo spellcraft in general, and the use of Lucky Mojo spiritual spiritual supplies in spell-casting in particular.

The only thread in the forum in which thread in which religion is discussed is here:

Hoodoo and Religion: Voodoo Wicca Santeria Witchcraft Christianity Atheism
https://forum.luckymojo.com/hoodoo-and- ... 10231.html

The only thread in the forum in which the development of psychism is discussed is here:

How to Increase Psychic Visionary Telepathic Reading Skills
https://forum.luckymojo.com/how-to-incr ... 25447.html

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