Unread post
by catherineyronwode » Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:46 am
Dear Bettyp22,
Welcome to our forum. You posted this message "loose" -- that is, not in a thread, so as an administrator i had a choice to make. I could have put it where you probably would have put it yourself, in the thread about ejecting violent and abusive family members from the family, which is here.
But i didn't do that because as i read your message of stress and difficulty, i could sense the heartbreak in it for you, for your own children, and, mostly, for your husband and that little boy.
Your husband made a mistake in whom he chose to bear his child. The mother is the cause of much tension in that boy's life. You think that he is disrespectful, but the truth is that he has been severely traumatized and has never been raised right. He needs therapy -- NOW! and i mean NOW, not a year from now!!!! -- and his father, your husband, is the only one who cares enough to get it for him.
I am telling you that this situation will only get worse if you do not open your heart and offer to work with your husband to help this unfortunate child. Do you think he does not help with your children now because he does not love them? No, it is because you are making him choose. And he cannot, in all good conscience, and with a loving father's heart, abandon his son to that awful home where he is living now.
Make your husband an offer. Step up to the plate as a good, kind, responsible woman. Tell him that you are concerned about the boy's poor emotional development and unsocialized temper. Tell him that you will agree to take the boy in IF ONLY at the same time he is diagnosed by a competent and well-reputed child psychologist and then taken to therapy sessions as prescribed.
He will first need a DIAGNOSIS. Being "disrespectful" is not a diagnosis. There is something seriously wrong. He may have been born drug addicted, or with fetal alcohol syndrome. He may be autistic. He may have been brain damaged at birth or by being beaten as a toddler. He may be witnessing daily violence in the home. Get a DIAGNOSIS!
After the diagnosis, he will need TREATMENT by a therapist. He may need DAILY therapy or WEEKLY therapy until he improves. He may need behavioural counselling. He may need medication.
I am telling you, mother, from a mother's own heart, that treating his problems as a "lack of respect" when that is NOT the problem, will only result in tragedy.
As for your role as an adult, i have hope. I hope that this is a wake-up call to you. If one of your own children needed help, you would get it. PLEASE, please do the same for the child of your husband, if you want him to remain your husband. Please help make this a better world, and do not let this child, or your marriage, suffer because you selfishly want your children to get the fathering they need while your husband's child is discarded by the side of the road. Your husband is a GOOD FATHER. This is your opportunity to be a GOOD MOTHER.
Please get Peace Water, a 4 oz. bottle of it. Please USE IT DAILY as a spray in the house. Shake it up before use and pray for harmony. Pray Psalms 133:1: "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!"
Cook with Basil and Rosemary in savoury dishes and with a mix of Sugar, Vailla, and Cinnamon in sweet dishes.
Good luck and blessing to you.
catherine yronwode
teacher - author - LMCCo owner - HP and AIRR member - MISC pastor - forum admin
If your brother is being violent, you or your parents may want to get the authorities involved. If he's putting people in danger, they have every right to kick him out and get a restraining order.
